Things I know. Creepy psychologists, new table, dummy withdrawal and other stuff

My very first things I know post, inspired by Shae at Yay for Home! Sorry it's such a downer ...

Here's some things I know tonight.

I know that I'm not better yet and that I try not to take my insomnia medication but fail most nights.

I know that I get up at 11.30pm after trying to fall asleep for 1.5 hours and google "Stilnox and pregnancy" and "valerian and pregnancy" and "melatonin and pregnancy", even though I"m not pregnant, and that doesn't help me sleep at all either, because I'm taking all of them and I will probably have a deformed baby if I ever have one.

I know that my psychologist is not really clicking with me; I think he's creepy and although we did have a breakthrough this week he also told me that my husband is "crazy" not to want to sleep with me more because I am a "very attractive woman" and that I am pretty certain crosses some serious professional boundaries and his house smells like dogs and he only has decaf coffee and I cannot understand how I ended up in this position to be talking about anxiety to old weirdos who make me feel even more on edge.

I know that I had a pretty good day today.  We went and picked up a brand new table from my sister.  Well obviously it's not brand new, because it's her old one, but it's the newest and most modern furniture we've ever owned, it's a gorgeous dark wood square hulk of a thing, with ivory covered fabric chairs and looks elegant in our house.  I know that made me happy.

I know that despite the dummy fairy euphoria of nights past, it's taking Little Red on average an hour longer to fall asleep these nights and that is exhausting me.

I know I've pinched this "I know" format from other bloggers... but damn, it is useful.
What do you know?  Others know stuff here... read all about it!

Going to get my head shrunk

"So...Tell me about your fazzzher?"

So the insomnia thing has culminated in me being put on what's called a "mental health plan".  

This, ironically, is making me very anxious indeed.  A psychologist; wow.  I must be nuttier than I thought.  Either that, or I've woken up in Hollywood. 

It all feels very 'first-world problems'.  It's just not "on" not to be able to cope with things you'd normally be expected to cope with!!   I mean: gee, I have a 3 year old and I work.  We're in a bit of a financial pickle because of our new house and bills and stuff.  Hubby's got his own work stresses.  Big fucking whoop, it's not like I have 6 kids and am a single mum or anything.  I don't think what I'm going through is much.  I should be able to get my act together.

Frankly, it's embarrassing.

But my body has told me it's had enough, in no uncertain terms.  It's saying "something's wrong" and I'm frightened of the terror it unleashed on me the last few weeks.

So I'm going to go ahead with the suggested counselling visits because, for starters, it's free, and secondly I am concerned about how lovely the Stilnox has been these last several nights; and what happens when I don't take it?  If I can never sleep again, without drugs, what the hell do I do about that?

Maybe the shrink can suggest some other coping mechanisms (I think they call it cognitive behavioural therapy)

It's all a bit scary.

If I start talking about getting a little dog that fits into my handbag, alert the authorities will you?

And maybe a little cyber-hug wouldn't go astray?   Thanks guys.