I have Tired Face today. This little known, but terribly debilitating condition is characterised by a series of little syndromes and is typically bought on by poor sleep.
Tired face's most classic symptom is itching eyes, that get itchier as the day goes on and the more you poke your fingers in them (I know, I know). Water doesn't help, either; especially not surrepitious water you apply with your fingers from the water bottle on your desk. Nor, strangely enough, does saliva (don't ask)
Then there are just totally bizarre, random itches that just pop up from no-where. LEFT EAR! FOREHEAD! FOREHEAD AGAIN, A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT!
It's like the face has Tourettes but instead of swear words, it spouts histamines into one's dermis.
There's really no point applying makeup on Tired Face. But if you do, prepare for it all to be gone by 11am, with whatever remains congealing under the eyes in an attractive Alice Cooper-esque fashion, or in the wrinkles which have magically deepened overnight.
Tired Face is greatly helped by the application of caffiene (internally, 3 cups) and chocolate (at least 3 rows, dark almond preferably). The cosmetic effects will be minimal but symptoms become easier to bear.
Finally, a word to others: we know we have Tired Face. You know we have Tired Face. We know you know we have Tired Face. But point it out to me and I'll probably punch you in yours. (When did "You look tired today" become an acceptable greeting? Thanks! And you look especially haggard too!)
The only thing that cures Tired Face is sleep, and we're currently campaigning to have this important medicine added to the PBS. Please help support the cause by leaving your comment here? Thanks very much :) xo