Oh god I love my little Red.
But I love her so much more when she's asleep.
Some days I have absolutely no idea how I made it until the end of the day. I have no idea how someone with two kids make it to the end of their day. If I had 6 kids, I think I'd probably need Matt Damon to swing in and help me, guns blazing, and shirt torn, and muscles a'sweating, to get to the end of my day. Hats off to mums of multiples. Seriously.
Sometimes I think I just have a particularly irksome kid.
There is nothing that I say that is right. "Why don't you put your leg in this way, sweetheart," I suggest. "NO, I DO IT!!!!!!!!!!" she says, sticking her foot in the underpants back the front.
"Okay," I say. And she'll wear them that way the rest of the day.
"Dolly's going to the hairdressers!" I say brightly. "NO! She's going to the DOCTOR'S. Silly."
"Ooookkkay. Silly me"
"This is a circle Mummy," "Um. It's more like, a triangle baby". "IT'S A CIRCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knew I was stupid but until I had a 3 year old, I didn't realise, exactly how stupid. (Guess this is good training for teenagehood. )
But now, as I go in to tuck her in... her red hair - that everyone told me since birth would "change", and yet is still as radiant as a summer sunset...that gorgeous hair strewn across her cheek in wet tendrils she won't let me dry. Face flushed with the tiredness of a long spring day, her little eyelids heavy on the pillow. A little leg sticking out from the doona, with a tiny sock, I have to adjust so it stays on.
This little miracle transforms in the night.
One day she will be the woman I can't believe came from me.
I only hope one day she remembers some of this, this love, and thinks me worthy.